Four days.

Today is December 4th. Three days past my due date. I guess little Ava is staying in longer. Which, honestly, is no problem with me. I have had a lot of bad days lately, not wanting to give her up. But then I remind myself that this is what's best for her, and what's best for Sean and I in the long run. Yeah, Sean and I really really want to keep her. I guess we underestimated how hard this would be. But I talked to Christina about my feelings, and she just reassured me. She didn't give me some "We'll take good care of her, don't worry" crap. She just reminded me that this is a very open adoption, we can see her whenever we want, and that in the end it's our choice and if we do just really really feel like keeping her is the right thing to do, then she wouldn't be mad at me. But she just doesn't want us to make a rash decision. Today is a good day, I'm confident in what I'm doing. But there's no telling what tomorrow will be like. Sean and I have talked a little, and we still think giving her to Christina and Daniel is the best thing to do. But he's not showing any emotion lately... I'm thinking that he's hiding his true feelings. I've tried to get him to tell me what he's thinking but you know men... Can't get them to show emotion. I just want everything to be better. I hope it will be soon. I can't wait to meet Ava, but yet I'm treasuring my last moments with her. I love her so much, and I just want to do what's best for her.